I enjoy a well manicured lawn.  I do. They look nice and they feel nice, but how much mowing does one place need?  The little plot outside of my apartment gets over-cut on a weekly basis.  Well actually, it’s more like daily.  They mow this stuff every other day, and since it may or may not be about 100 degrees outside with no rain for the past three months, they’re basically just chewing up the Sahara.  It looks like an Iraqi flea market outside every couple of days, with dust and debris flying everywhere like at the camel races.  Of course, this is great for my car, which gets covered with crap and makes it nasty before it’s due.  Thanks guys.  If you want to dust stuff, go down to the wheat fields.  Don’t do it in my front yard.

I find it really weird to hear my own name on television. Because it’s not exactly “popular,” as in, not many people have it, it’s really strange to hear the villain or bad guy have my name. I kind of take it personally. It’s not my fault my name-doppelganger hurts the name character, but I can’t help but feel for the guy. Maybe he’s just confused. You shouldn’t harp on him because it was probably just a misunderstanding; the misunderstanding being that the girl wanted to live and the guy wanted her to not do that. See, simple?

The phrase “head over heels” really gets on my nerves. We all know what it means, but if you stop to think about it, it’s really dumb. I may or may not have my head over my heels for a good portion of the day. So basically, going head over heels for something is just like doing what you’d regularly be doing, which most likely involves wondering why BET is still a channel, you racist piece of crap.

So Earth Week is coming up soon I hear.  This is one of my favorite weeks of the year.  Not only do we get to have hippies yell at us for burning delicious fossil fuels, but we may just feel bad about it for a minute or two because it’s the week to feel bad about it.  Other than getting a hippie lecture, we also get to let the little hippies inside of us out for a week to go wild.  For example, you could take a dump in someone’s lawn.  When the owner of the the house would come and freak out in your face, all you have to say is, “Listen, buddy, this is Earth Week, and I’m just trying to save that 1.5 to 3 gallons of water for every flush.  If you don’t want to help the earth, then that’s your prerogative, but I would like to keep this world green for my children and my children’s children – not that condone children having sex, but you understand what I’m getting at.”  Then you’d promptly clench your teeth a little bit and push out a little chocolate submarine.  *plop*  That’s what Earth Week is all about.

Wind is freaking annoying sometimes. You don’t even have to do anything for wind to come out of nowhere and jack things up. Just walking down the street? Wind doesn’t care; it just wants to blow all of those papers out of your hand. Trying to read outside? Wind doesn’t care; it throws your pages all over the place so you can’t simply read and be happy. You see, wind feels like eroding everying, even your face. It picks up dirt and debris and flings it all in your eyes just because it can. Take that human race, you can put a man on the moon but stopping a good debris flinging is out of the question. I can’t wait until we have little bio-domes all over the place where we can control these type of things; well, sans Pauly Shore of course.