posted in Past Goodness, People on Mar 29, 2004

I don’t understand why painted flames on the side of a car make it better than the same car without painted flames. I saw a couple of these today while driving and it seems that maybe there is some sort of magical Spanish aerodynamics involved with painting hideous colored flames on the side of your El Camino that makes it go faster. Or maybe your problem is a freaking half-truck, half-car abomination that is weak to the laws of drag due to wind resistance. I don’t even get the concept really. Are you trying to make me believe that your car(/truck) is going SO FAST that it’s beginning to catch fire?…big…ugly…neon colored fire? And I suppose the muffler dragging the ground creating a light-show of sparks is helping you attain this goal? Or maybe it’s the side mirror that dangles so awesomely from the left side of your car. I don’t know, this is just what I’ve been thinking, but the only time I’ve seen cool flames on an automobile is when said automobile was actually on fire. I think people who want to paint flames on their car should try that first so they can save us the energy of looking at their wasted money.