Finally a New Update!

posted in Past Goodness on Jan 16, 2005

I’ve heard complaints that this page hasn’t been updated in quite a while and that small children are crying over it so I’m going to do my best to ensure no more infants fall victim to the horrors of a non-updated website. Since it’s been so long, I’ve decided to bring everyone up to date on what’s been going on recently:
-I have come to the knowledge that everyone on the planet has their own Xanga site. Apparently it’s the thing to do. If you don’t have one right now, what’s wrong with you? You are obviously uncool. See, the thing about having your own Xanga site is that you can talk about stuff to the ENTIRE world that you’d never say to someone face to face, because conversations with real human beings is extremely difficult and typing things behind their backs that they’ll eventually read online anyway is the way to go. Why bring up touchy subjects with someone and resolve them quickly and peacefully when you can write about someone, wait for them to read it three weeks later, and have an argument about it that should have been over with weeks ago? That seems only logical, right? Plus, whoever else is reading your site can look down upon the person you’re complaining about because you’re obviously going to put your own spin on things and make them look bad. If you don’t have a Xanga site you need to get one so you can start talking about people negatively to the world!
-Living with genital herpes can be a hassle…so says the commercial.
-I know a lot about chronic dry-eye.
-I finally watched the movie Napoleon Dynamite. If you haven’t seen it, don’t let all the hype tell you it’s the greatest movie ever. It’s not. It’s so far from the greatest movie ever that I could give a video camera to a blind man and he’d come up with something just as memorable. HOWEVER, I do give the movie “MAD PROPS” for quotability. There are a lot of quotable lines that’ll make you laugh even though they are completely retarded and you’ll feel bad for quoting them but you do anyway. …I apolagize for saying “mad props,” but I do have skills with a bow staff; and you’ll only get that if you’ve seen the movie.