Insomnia is Fun!

posted in Miscellaneous, Past Goodness on Jun 28, 2005

I just love it when I can’t freaking go to sleep.  It shouldn’t be that hard, should it?  All you do is lay down and close your eyes; bam, you’re asleep.  But what do you do when you really need sleep but can’t get any?  Here are some ideas:

1.) Find some random cord (electrical, phone, cat-5) and make boobie (teehee boobie) traps for unsuspecting foes.  Not only can you make a devistating midriff clothes-line trap using handles from doors on opposite sides of a hall, you can tie chair legs together or make a noose that hangs from the ceiling fan with an affectionate note that says “you” on it.  Note: works better if living with people.

2.) Pretend you are a spy.  Are sneaking around office buildings or silently busting up illegal drug cartels from the inside out too dangerous?  Then put on a mask and your house in the battlezone.  The only thing that will be ambushed is fun!  This activity also boosts your natural ability to navigate in low light!  Perfect for people who readily stalk others or frequent the neighbor’s bathroom window.  With a handy O-lux handheld camcorder, your spy tactics will become revered by circles that include both middle school gym teachers and high ranking religious figures!

3.) Watch television.  You watch television all day, so why should you watch TV at night?  Just like a cemetary, strange things start happening at night on your idiot-box.  Bowflex and Girls-Gone-Wild infomercials plague most of your channels, but you might find a good “set it and forget it” rotisserie from Ron Popeil if you’re lucky.  You could surf around and find that MTV actually plays music passed 3 a.m. which is interesting.  The music still sucks, but it’s not TRL or Road Rules Vs. TRL or Room Raiders Inferno or Pimp My Crib or Yo MTV Raps! or Remote Control or The Tom Green Osbournes Show or Beavis and Daria or Celebrity Deathmatch or Viva La Bam…  You local television networks usually shut off after the late night shows are over, but in their place comes an awesome test pattern that you can just stair at.  Black, grey, yellow, green, blue, red, white, pink, and dark blue.  Bonus points if you find a channel that has the sweet high-pitched “this is only a test” squeal.  The movie channels, of course, offer a mish-mash of soft-core pornography and actual programming.  There is the possibility that you could find a movie channel to stimulate your mind, or a movie channel that could stimulate [obvious joke deleted].  All in all, you’re not going to find much on the telly that’s interesting, especially if you find day-time shows drab and worthless.

So there you have it,  three things to do if you’re up late and night due to stress induced insomnia…or any other regular type of insomnia…