It's Big, Not Long

posted in Miscellaneous, Past Goodness on Feb 6, 2004

It just hit me today that Clifford the Dog is really big. Not so much that he’s big…but a dog that size would need to eat a bunch of stuff. And eating a bunch of stuff leads to pooping. A LOT. Now I’m no stranger to the steamy piles a doberman or german shepard can produce, and let me tell you that while it is a disgusting sight, it’s also pretty amazing that they can poop the weight of a small poodle during the course of a day. Now Clifford, weighing in at least as much as your average elephant, must leave a trail that can derail a freaking train. I bet it’s like that part in Jurrasic Park where that one dinosaur is sick. Man oh man that’s a lot of poop. Everyone in Clifford land is all happy while they’re on screen, but you know as soon as the camera is off they bring in the bull dozers to scrape that stuff up. I bet Clifford is why America grows so much produce. Oversized red canine poo is like fertilizer of the gods. Bamboo grows about a foot a day, but bamboo on Clifford dung grows at about a foot an hour; that’s 24 feet a day people. Think of all the fishing poles that can be made with that stuff. And since we’re on the topic of poo, I bet he excretes many gallons of pee in one leg hike. He doesn’t go on the hydrant, he goes on the fire house. When he marks his territory, HE MARKS HIS TERRITORY. All I can say to this revelation I had is: HOLY CRAP!