Put Your Pants On, Please

posted in Past Goodness, People on Feb 22, 2004

Nudist colonies are, in fact, the greatest and worst things on the entire planet, possibly the universe. For the good: there’s a slight chance that a hot, single 20-something’ll be frolicking around in the buff wanting to jump rope and play twister all day. That’s always a plus. For the bad: Forget disease, nuclear winter, and alien invasions; nothing is as horrible as turning a corner and walking into a 70 year old man and his unit waiting to welcome you to the club. What do you say in a situation like that? “Um…Sorry Skipper…and your Lil’ Buddy. You might want to get the Professor to fix that thing.” Almost as bad as your typical Aged Naked Male, is his wife: the Aged Naked Female, who’s upper naughty parts hang so low that they cover her lower naughty parts. She comes around the corner behind her husband, holding a cigarette with long, red painted nails and all of her gravity-stricken parts just a flappin’ in the wind. So in conclusion: while the pamphlet may look nice and you can play volleyball, basketball, and horseshoes any time during the day, DO NOT join a nudist colony, unless “scarred for life” is a phrase you want to use a lot.