Rooty McRootcanal

posted in Miscellaneous, Past Goodness on Jun 21, 2005

I just wanted to tell everyone that the stigma behind root canals is generally misguided.  Just because you’re going to get a root canal doesn’t mean it’s going to hurt you, and if it does, that’s your doctor’s fault for being retarded.  I’ve had my fair share of retarded dentists in my life, making me look forward to eye surgery more than a getting a tooth cleaning.  Luckily, this last guy freaking rules and knocked out a root canal in about an hour.  My tooth has never been better.  In fact, the ability to not feel anything in that tooth is pretty sweet.  Hot and cold have no more meaning to this god among tooths.  So my current ortho-whatever guy rules, what about the last one?  Well, let me tell you.  First of all, the doctor was a chick.  Now I’m not opposed to female doctors at all, but this one was way too jolly.  If you’re going to be rooting around in my mouth with sharp objects that poke and buzz with sounds only the devil himself could create, then you better be a little freaking serious.  Don’t play the freaking radio in your office while you work.  That’s a distraction.  Don’t SING along with the freaking radio in your office while you work.  Something tells me that is also a distraction.  And don’t suggest that I get braces when I’m 18 years of age.  Freaking-A.  “Hey, you’re about to enter college.  Let’s make sure you have absolutely no social life.”  I know my teeth aren’t great; so sorry that you don’t like them.  Shoulda told me when I was like 13.  By now I’ve grown into my teeth, I’m not going to have anyone glue little metal…things on them.  I’ve come to the realization that I probably won’t be in any movies or do any modeling, I don’t need perfectly straight teeth.  I plan on making money the good old fashioned way: by lying and cheating my way to the top.  Teeth with braces need not apply.