posted in Miscellaneous on Jul 4, 2007

Sweet sassy molassy! I saw something today that I haven’t seen in about a month, and – because you’re very intelligent and can surmise exactly what I’m going to be talking about from the title – it was THE SUN. Now, I’m no meteorologist, but I would have to say that twenty some odd days of rain isn’t something that is supposed to happen.

To compound this rainy craziness, our little friends the mosquitos have found a new home: the marshes that make up our quad. Today we thought it would be a good idea to play some frisbee out in the grass. The sun was shining, no ominous clouds were in sight, and the idea of tossing the old plastic disc was a good one. So we headed out into this field of dreams, wanting nothing but some fun. What we got was totally the opposite.

The squishy ground met my feet with a soft gurgle. Not being an intelligent man, I didn’t take the advice that the land had just offered me and I ventured forth. Normally, I’d listen to nature: wind blowing signals me to put on a jacket, rain, an umbrella. But this apprehensive gurgle from the wetlands did nothing to deter my resolve: I was going to play some frisbee, damnit. And so it began.

The first few minutes were not so bad, considering my destined fate of being eaten alive. I caught a toss here, a throw there, but soon things became a quagmire in more ways than one. I happen to glance down at my legs to notice that I was at that moment being the host of several little beasties gulping down a day’s worth of tasty tasty blood. As I looked at their tiny bodies undulating as they slurped down my sweet Type-AB, my mouth fell agape. This wasn’t just one mosquito having a snack. I was being bombarded by at least 10 between both of my enormous, muscular man-legs, and there were a few of them on my arms and back. Quickly I swat. Oh dear lord did I swat. My only utensils for this fight against these vampiric, Lilliputian bastards was to flail my arms and flatten some of their ranks. They saw this plan of attack coming, and with aplomb they mustered up more troops to put in the fray. They were determined to plant their ovipositors as deep into my skin as possible, if not for the general survival of their species, but for their dead cousins sinking slowly into the murk.

Breathing heavily only attracted them, and running brought no recourse other than to put down a trail for the more lackadaisical troops to follow like bread crumbs, so it seemed like there was no escape. Somehow, against the odds, I powered up my reserved strength and bolted like The Flash to my safe haven, leaving the disease spreaders in my wake. I slammed the door behind me, pressing my back to it with a shortness of breath as if adding my strength to the frame in an effort to keep them out.

With mud and slush dribbling down my legs from the marshes, I jumped into the shower and rid myself of the last of the corpses that happen to still be stuck to my body. There were losses on both sides: for them, a mountain of tiny bodies coated the earth in my destruction, for me, the new seeds of anguish that they have planted in my mind that make me worry about all of the new illnesses I could potentially have. History books will tell of this day, side by side with the crossing of the Delaware and Napoleon’s trek into Russia.

Frisbee day is a very dangerous day.