Urge To Kill: RISING

I have had no email for the past four days. FOUR WHOLE DAYS. It’s driving me mad I tell you. A young, strapping, ultra-hot and ungeeky male like myself cannot go without his email for so long. And Heaven forbid this website tells me what’s going on. Is it so hard to put “Our email service is temporarily down” on the front page? I’ll tell you what they should put though, and that’s: “Hello, we are experiencing internal problems that our current staff of typing monkeys cannot fix. We have no idea when or if our service will be back online, because we are smelly, retarded poopieheads. Thank you.” Now is that so bad? Now I realize the only thing that’s probably in my mailbox are messages telling me that by simply telling a complete stranger my credit card number I’ll become richer than my wildest dreams or messages telling me how to enlarge my penis (but I don’t need to open those *wink*), but it’s the principle of the thing. I want to be able to delete those messages, and be able to delete anything with the letters “F,” “W,” and “D” in the title. And I’m sorry Timmy, but you won’t be getting any money by me sending your message to twenty of my closest friends, nor will Bill Gates send you anything because HE IS NOT TRACKING MY FREAKING EMAIL. You’ll just have to wish away the gonorrhea or whatever whack (did I just say whack?) disease you might have. Ahhh..venting is good…I have to see if my email is working now………..SON OF A…!