You Were Still Made Fun of as a Kid

posted in Past Goodness on Jul 6, 2004

Dear Michael Moore,
I have not nor will not be seeing your movie. This letter really isn’t about your movie. I could care less about politics or the stupid George Bush or boring as nails Kerry. What this letter is concerning is hygiene. I love how you now have millions of dollars from the droves of sheep that see your editing jobs you call movies and think they know everything about politics; yet you still can’t shave or buy a hat that fits your bulbous head? And if you win some award for your “documentary,” I really hope that you waste our time once again while you give your speech. Please go off on a rant about politics that no one really wants to hear. If you could do that it’d be great. Thanks. I don’t have a ton to say, but I wish you the best of luck on whatever new propaganda filled movie you have in the works. I hope that your edit it effectively so that your completely biased and assinine views come across perfectly. You know those fishing shows? They catch fish like mad crazy. But have you ever looked at the sky? With every fish you usually see the sun change directions. This shows that they’ve cut out a ton of footage so they can show just the fish. This reminds me of you: Everything that’s in between what you want people to see is cut out, so it’s just what will skew things for you. What if I want to see them change a lure or two? I guess I lied. I said I wouldn’t talk about movies, but I did. Sorry about that. You’ve probably got a lot of flack about your views and I was a little mean. …Speaking of documentaries: have you seen the one where that guy goes to McDonald’s for like three months? Maybe watching that one could help you. Either that or a treadmill. Sorry, I did it again. I apologize for making fun of you for being Marlon Brando and Jabba the Hutt’s secret love child. You can’t pick your parents. I know that. But look on the bright side: I bet it was pretty cool having Han Solo frozen in carbonite for a while. That’s probably a cool conversation piece/dinner table. And Boba Fett was probably over a lot too. But I guess I’ll let you go. I’m sure you have a lot of film footage to cut up and many deep fried things about the house that look and smell delicious. Have a good one and don’t run up and down the stairs too much. I don’t want anything happening to that ticker!
Peace and chicken grease!