I Like To Pour Sugar On The Top. It's Yummier That Way

posted in Food, Past Goodness on Aug 9, 2003

Isn’t it neat how Rice Krispies talk to you when you pour milk on ’em? Have you ever wondered what they’re saying? I have, and I’ll tell you it’s not pretty. Think about it. These little buggers only talk when you pour milk on them. Coincidence? I think not. They’re screaming for their lives, that’s what they’re doing. They aren’t saying happy things like the people in the commercials would have you think. They aren’t going to tell you in the commercials that the lil’ krispies are drowning when you put them up to your ear to hear what they’re “saying,” just like the Soylent company didn’t tell anyone that Soylent Green was freaking people. It deters sells. Remember that scene in Honey, I Shrunk the Kids (I know you don’t want to, but work with me people) where the kids were in the cereal bowl? Were they talking about how nice the weather was that day? NO. They were not. Same goes for the lil’ krispies. You know those ones that stick to the side of the bowl? They didn’t just happen to stick to the side, they’re trying to get out. But you know what you do? You scrape them back into the bowl, don’t you? You soulless piece of crap. I can’t believe you. They had families you know. And you know what happens you don’t hear them any more? Yep, that’s right, you’re eating krispie corpses by then. Snap, Krackle, and Pop are running an evil empire, I tell ya. Don’t believe their propaganda. SAVE THE KRISPIES!
I’m kind of hungry…I wonder if we have any cereal.