I Wish I Was a Kid Again

posted in Past Goodness on Dec 26, 2003

Yeah, so I’m driving back with my family and my little brother is listening to a tape full of nursery rhymes and such, and why are some of these rhymes so messed up? Some of these things can be just down right bad; like other children’s stories like that old woman who lived in a shoe. One of these bad culprits is “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad.” Now, it seems simple enough, a song about building railroads and some chick named Dinah. But ask yourself: Who built most of America’s early railroads? Asians, that’s who. And they didn’t do it “…just to pass the time away.” They toned the song down a little for the kiddies. What it originally said was “…for some opium today.” They changed it just a smidge so the kids won’t ask too many questions. And I don’t know about you, but Dinah was a skank. I mean, all she does is “blow” the “horn” while someone in the room is “strummin'” on the “old banjo.” And all these euphemistic activities are happening in the kitchen. The KITCHEN of all places. Get a room Dinah. I wouldn’t want a tired Asian looking for a nice glass of lemonade or some eggrolls after a long day of helping America’s Manifest Destiny by bridging the gap between the coasts to walk in on you and some guy (most likely Asian as well) making babies on the table where so many Asians eat and drink their bread and water every morning before they slave for the American dream all day. I don’t guess it was all bad. It were interratial love affairs like this that paved the way for people like Tiger Woods. Another children’s song that I’m not too sure about is “If You’re Happy and You Know It.” You’d think this is kid friendly enough, and it certainly is. Clapping your hands and stomping your feet is a pleasurable experience. But what would happen if someone sang this song in the Amputee Ward in the hospital? I’ll let you think about that.