If It Lasts for More Than Four Hours, Seek Medical Attention

posted in Miscellaneous, Past Goodness on Jul 4, 2004

If it isn’t enough that I get spam in my email every day of the week, now it seems like that’s gone over to television. Television has always had commercials, and that’s fine, but now it seems like what we hate about the useless email that we get online has transferred itself to my tv. Just now I saw a commercial for PeoplePc. That’s fine, one commercial isn’t too bad…but I changed the channel and there was another and another and another. Every channel is flooded by PeoplePc. Listen, Mr. Cpt. PeoplePc, no one is buying your internet. I’m sorry to tell you, but you’re not going to be able to go up against the likes of AOL and other, bigger companies no matter how hard you try. Your little blue stick figures can go walk off a cliff because they’re not doing anything else worth while. I didn’t buy your internet when you had a little black kid tell me that I could get a free computer, and I’m not buying your internet now. The only thing that’s more annoying than PeoplePc in the category of spam-a-liceous television are medical commercials, specifically weiner pills. That’s right, what we hated most about spam has come over to our television. If you don’t see a PeoplePc ad, you see a weiner pill ad. Thank you, oh ad wizards of commercialism, for making us aware every ten minutes that old farts who have lost their “drive” (and various other words they call it) will now be able, with the help of a few pills, sustain a woman pleasing…uh…thing…for up to 36 hours. But, of course, they can’t take the pills if they have a few minor health problems: heart disease, cancer, althete’s foot, brain tumors, no left arm, three toes, a pulse..just to name a few. If we could only go back to the good old times when television and the internet were completely separated from one another and the most we saw on commercials were ads about warts in places that warts should not be.