My Nose is Red

posted in Past Goodness on May 21, 2005

Don’t you like how your body can produce an infinite amount of mucus, but saliva or blood is of limited quantities?  I always enjoy being reminded of this when I’m sick, when snot flows from my nasal region like a shaken champagne bottle that has just been uncorked.  It’s always fun blowing you nose until you scrape the skin off your face only to be greeted with an even more stubborn gooey reward; the mucus’ resolve cannot be underestimated.  And it makes sense too, doesn’t it?  I mean, it’s a great evolutionary idea to make your body produce, during times when you feel the worst both physically and mentally, so much slime that you cannot breath.  Instead of focusing all energy on fixing the problem, your body instead halts all productive responsibilities to focus on making so much sticky sludge that you cannot do anything.  Thanks Darwin.  In an effort to correct this problem, I have decided to stop breathing altogether.  It’s also great for the environment.  It has been brought to my attention that I breath a lot of air that other people could be using, so I’ll let them have it.  At least, until I vanquish the demons of the head cold and smite the powers of the clogged nose with my scabbard filled with nasal sprays and other liquid-booger eliminating drugs.  But until then, I will continue to destroy boxes of Kleenex and toilet paper and scar my face because my body cannot work fast enough to rectify the situation.  Maybe I need to go snort some ‘Tussin.