Never Leave Your Homeposted in Past Goodness, People on Jun 20, 2004
Seeing old high school friends is like pulling teeth mixed with salt and a little bit of vinegar. I mean, you never know what’s going to happen. For example, say you happen to go to the bowling alley and find an old band acquaintance who seemed to have a glandular problem that made him sweat like crazy. “Sweat Hog,” as he was known in high school til the present day, was is in lane 8. You see him from a distance because the lights are reflecting off of his shiny, sweat covered forehead. You get your shoes and pay to play a game, hoping all the while that you get lane 1. But you don’t. You get lane 6; a mere ten feet away from Sweat Hog, the hog of sweat. So you say, “No big deal, I won’t have to talk to him.” You’re not rude, you just don’t feel like talking to him. You didn’t talk to him in high school, so you don’t really feel like talking to him now. But he’s not one to sit around and not talk, so as soon as you roll that ball down that lane he says something about it. Then he strikes up a conversation. Great, now you have a uncomfortable conversation with Sweat Hog. Aren’t you happy that you and your friends decided to go bowling? This is why you should never see old people from high school, unless they are people you had made plans to see after you graduated. There are those people who you have phone numbers and such. That’s fine, call ’em up. But everyone else out there will inevitably drag you into a conversation that makes you want to stop putting your three fingers into a heavy ball that’s been used by more people than you want to think about and stop wearing shoes that smell worse than an individual who happens to continuously drain smelly bodily fluids from every pore.