posted in Past Goodness on Jul 24, 2004

There are possible Spidey 2 spoilers here, so if you haven’t seen it, I hope I don’t crush your entire world by saving you ten bucks at the movie theater or five bucks at Blockbuster. Oh and by the way, Titannic sinks; when he built it, they did actually come; they get out of the bus before it goes under 55; and the midgets DO take the ring back to where it was forged (there, I saved you like 50 hours watching the whole trilogy).
So I see this movie today. The “Spiderman 2,” if you will. Overall I’ll have t say it was pretty darn good. However, there are a couple of things I want to point out:
1.) At the beginning of the movie, it shows our friendly, neighborhood Spiderman living in the dumps of the city getting yelled at by some rat-faced fink. Now I could care less about Spiderman getting yelled at, but I figured out the reason that he’s broke. It’s not that he stopped taking good photos for the Bugle, it’s that he has to buy a lot of jackets and shirts. Think about it: everytime he hears a siren go off, he’s in Clark Kent mode: shoes, pants, shirt, jacket, and dorky glasses. “Holy crap Spiderman! You better save that kitten in the tree!” So he runs down an alleyway and strips down to his elastic pajamas. He needs to work something out to where he brings hangers and a shoebox or something so he can safely store his clothes away. Maybe he could get one of those storage things they have at the McDonald’s Play Place. They have a ton of cubby holes that he could use.
Speaking of Spiderman stripping down, how the heck does he always find a place where no one is around to change into Cpt. Spidey? What if Peter Parker felt like going to Woodstock one year and someone needed help? The only place that’s confidential is the port-o-potty, but you’ll be darned if you ever saw me use one of those things. I’d rather find a tree or just go on the mud pit than use Johnny-on-the-Spot, and I’ll bet dollars to doughnuts (jelly ones!) that Spidey is the same way. Besides the smell, why would you want to ruin your pretty little suit that you sewed together in your upstairs room of your uncle’s house that happens to look in the window of the hot chick that lives next door?
2.) This one has to do with Mary Jane. Other than having a name that’s synonymous with marijuana, she always finds a way to get captured while wearing a nice dress. Now, I’m not opposed to nice dresses, she looks good in them, BUT they’re not very practical for being captured. She needs to plan ahead for these sort of things. I mean, if M.J. (not Jordan) just happen to not wear underwear that day, then a lot of people would be getting a free show, and I’d be mad because I don’t live in this town.
3.) There’s a scene on a train car where Spiderman almost dies. The people pick him up over his their head like the messiah. So you better watch out Docter Octopus with your oh so scary name, you’re apparently battling Jesus. Now I would believe it, because Spidey is pretty cool, but about a year ago I was told, or shown rather, that Jesus was actually Neo, and that robots like the idea of organized religion. Then, like a few months ago, James Caviezel was Jesus. I don’t know who to believe!
So that’s my synopsis of Spiderman 2, if anything has been ruined for you, go to: www.deal-with-it.com or send hate mail to: Itsjustafreakingmovie@dodgeit.com.