The Mind Read

posted in Past Goodness, People on Apr 12, 2005

Don’t you just love it when you get yelled at by a girl?  Today I’ll highlight my personal favorite type of argument: The Mind Read.  Say you happen to notice how a chick looks one day and you decide to keep noticing that for quite some time.  You’re noticing…and noticing…and then you notice some more.  You notice enough to burn a hole in that girl’s head.  Subsequently, you get yelled at.  A plus B = C.  Simple.  So you, being of the intelligent male persuasion (oxymorons non-withstanding), you learn from this mistake and decide that noticing is like looking at the sun: quick glances, no staring.  The next day the same girl, while still looking quite nice, comes and talks to you.  You take notice but don’t notice like you did the day before.  Result?  You get yelled at.  Why?  Because you didn’t notice how nice she looked that day.  Didn’t you know?  Apparently there’s a window of opportunity that you have to observe where you can look and not get slapped.  It’s a very small window.  So what you have to do is learn how to read that girl’s mind.  This is what she wants you to do, anyway.  It’s pretty simple right, because girls always act the same from day to day.  They’re never grumpy, cranky, bloated, angry, happy, giggly, jumpy, or laughy within the span of every five minutes a day.  That never happens, no.  A girl’s emotions are like the Rock of Friggin’ Gibraltar.  Steady.  Or not.  Their emotions are more like a ship navigating through the London fog.  But what do I know?  That’s right: nothing.