There Was An Old Woman…

…who lived in a shoe. Yep, a shoe. Now, this woman isn’t your ordinary gal, you could probably tell that from the house built in a shoe, as she has so many children that she does not know what to do. What you may not know, though, is that these kids are mostly illegitimate. You see, this old woman gets around, like a record. She’s been around the block so many times there’s a little trail in the cement. Someone should tell that woman it’s a vagina, not a clown car. I bet her birth canal is like Splash Mountain at Disney World. And this is my main gripe with this old woman: I could care less about her being a sleeze-bag, but there’s a good possibility that she’s on welfare and taking my hard earned money, plus whatever kind of child support she’s raking in. She’s probably been to court over it so many times that’s she’s banned from Judge Judy. But is she spending the money on the kids? Oh no. All these kids get is broth, without bread mind you, and sent to bed after a sound woopin’. These kids may deserve it because they are obviously stupid, as they could easily overpower the old woman while she is beating one of their half-brothers, but she could at least buy em some new clothes every once in a while that would withstand all the beatings better. And where is the police when she’s abusing her children, you might ask? They’re two streets down trying to put that clumsy piece of crap Humpty Dumpty back together. But anyway, if she’s not spending that money on her kids, then what? It’s the shoe I tell ya. Who else has a shoe big enough to live in? Nobody, that’s who. That thing has to be super expensive. I mean, heck, a pair of Doc Martins costs a good $150 nowadays. That shoe has to cost in the hundreds of thousands, plus it has to get a lot of repairs done because of all the rain damage. Now don’t get me started on Peter and his pumpkin eating ways…