Why Do I Still Watch TV?

Like sands through the hourglass, the MTV video/music awards keep getting worse…and worse…and worse. For some reason I’m watching this televised train wreck right now as I write this. I guess it’s incredible similarity to a train wreck is why it’s still on my TV; either that or because it’s Saturday, and NOTHING is good on television on Saturday. I have some suggestions to MTV, this so called “Music Television,” for the next awards show:
1. Please, please, please please please: Either hire someone who can actually write good banter for the completely ridiculous combinations of “celebrities,” or do not have them at all. I can’t stress this enough. No one thinks it’s funny when the “Rock” and some chick I never heard of go back and forth with some sexual innuendo that’s completely retarded. Either the monkeys have fallen off the typewriters or a gang of 13 year olds sneaked into the MTV labs and wrote a bunch of crap that would give those prepubescent adult wannabees a stiffy later on when they see it on TV and are chatting on their hip, awesome DMX or JaRule chatrooms because all white 13 year olds are complete posers.
2. Stop being lame.